Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Four minutes until I can fart!
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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