I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Buhtt sex?
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
