Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
