How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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