So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
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Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
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How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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