I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
