I wannas sexs uuuuu
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
