guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
