i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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