Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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