some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
