I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
