i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
