Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
