I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
