I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Randomize
