listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
