She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
