She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
