i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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