Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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