They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Randomize
