I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
