So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
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You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
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