He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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