i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
