i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
