he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
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And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
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My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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