he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
