i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
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Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
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I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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