Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I didn't notice because vodka
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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