Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.