2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
