Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..