was it more than 30 minutes?
then you're in a relationship
He passed out mid-signature
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future