Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
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You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .