508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
found the other keg... it's in the tree
19 People Did The Wildest Things When They Were Black-Out Drunk
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
21 Signs That A Dude is Probably Insane
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome