so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
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he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
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Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea