Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow