Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.