Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
