just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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