i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
