i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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