you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
