It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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