there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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