GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
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