1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
