So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
