Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
