there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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