Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
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