i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
