just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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