I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
