Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
i think im in europe. pls send help
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
