It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
