Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Randomize
