I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
