My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
