I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Randomize
