Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
You're completely useless in the revolution.
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
