No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Girls should come with a carfax report
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
