Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
