A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
