Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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