Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
