one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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