It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Randomize
