i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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