can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
