I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
