I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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