I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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