If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
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