you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
