Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
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