I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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