I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
