You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
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