I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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