honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
