I think scott just propositioned me for sex
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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