why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
