sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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