he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I still have a little drunk in my system
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
