Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
