It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
