So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
