I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
