So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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