Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
