I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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